Sunday, February 28, 2010

war, what is it good for? absolutely nuthin'.

and the bard certainly tells it true in this case.

i have just finished playing two new games for xbox360. darksiders which is just about as lame a title as i've come across and dante's inferno. i'll get to the absolute train wreck that is the inferno later but first i have to talk about darksiders.

picture if you will a very pretty rendered landscape that has been torn apart by some unknown hand. fires rage every where and buildings have been torn to the ground. giant bats circle in the air waiting to attack anyone foolish enough to be outside. enter, war. you play one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse and you've been sent to earth to find out who framed you for blah blah blah...actually the plot is kind of interesting but boils down to this; war has been accused of bringing the apocalypse early and was sentenced to death. he was framed of course and now he has to find out who did it and save earth in the meantime. how you kill a "force" like war is beyond me. that's like saying you're going to kill charity or hate or carrot top. it can't be done.

so the game starts and it looks pretty. the combo system is decent but it's not surprising that all you really need to do is mash buttons and you'll be better off. things come at you from everywhere which is kind of fun because you can track specific enemies by holding down a button. good to know if you're in a fight and trying to figure out where the boss went.

where it all falls apart for me is the play control. jumping has piss poor response time. clinging to walls and just trying to move across the screen is a chore because instead of doing the smart thing and just making it so pushing forward = moving forward they've done that lame thing where depending on the angle of the wall you have to push sort of in the walls direction to move forward. this means pushing almost diagonally up to move left. makes sense right?

the tutorial tips are full of helpful little tid bits like, "aim with R3". that's it. that was the tip when i looked up at this thing that looks like an upside down venus flytrap from hell. i eventually figured out what it was trying to get me to do but you're better off turning those things off. i think they were designed to make fun of you more than anything else.

that's about all there is to say about the game. it wasn't terrible but it wasn't even close to good.

now dante on the other hand...

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